When the sun chased the rain away

I love my country’s sun because it casts away gloomy thoughts and saves me from cloudy dreams and melodies. The sun warms up my pieces and makes my heart smile. Behind its warmth and shininess, lies this miserable fog that I keep most of the days away. Yet this paradox occurs and it feels like it always has done.

I long these far away trips, that end up in countries, dark and cold. I find comfort in relapse and at first, I enjoy it so much that I forget why I liked the sun in the first place. But suddenly when I realise what they’re drawing on the surface, I always rush to book my ticket back home. And I usually manage to be on time for my departure. And every single time, I watch out of the window as the plane is taking off. I wave goodbye to the coldness but I feel so broken hearted because I already know that I’ll miss it so much and I’ll regret my decision to go back.

Some people decide. Others let life decide for them. Some sleep on the ground, other find uncomfort in their comfortable beds. So here’s to you, my shiny blue sea and here’s to you my wonderful fog. I might see you again, but I’m not sure where I’d choose to stay.

 

Ae Fond Kiss

by Robert Burns
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever;
Ae fareweel, and then forever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears   I’ll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans I’ll wage thee.
Who shall say that Fortune grieves him,
While the star of hope she leaves him?
Me, naecheerfu’ twinkle lights me;
Dark despair around benights me.
 –
I’ll ne’er blame my partial fancy,
Naething could resist my Nancy;
But to see her was to love her;
Love but her, and love forever.
Had we never lov’d sae kindly,
Had we never lov’d sae blindly,
Never met—or never parted—
We had ne’er been broken-hearted.
 –
Fare thee weel, thou first and fairest!
Fare thee weel, thou best and dearest!
Thine be ilka joy and treasure,
Peace. enjoyment, love, and pleasure!
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever;
Ae fareweel, alas, forever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears   I’ll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans I’ll wage thee!
[This indistinctive whisper caresses the ear of the sleeping girl, 
poems and wines and fears all mixed together in a very end, 
Kind shall be the lips that kiss one’s eyes goodbye 
Though deep might be the cries 
which covers these days with lies.]

You carry on and look away, feeling less everyday..

When you are not here my heart aches with pain from a healed wound. But then again, when you’re here my wound opens and bleads without an end. I remember sometimes how beautifully we were dancing by the sea, how your hand was waving back at me and how cold your hands were because your heart was warm with love for me. Mine were always warm like my heart. Oh you silly girl you were young and a child back then.

What is time and what are we now? Time passes feelings grow stronger. But there’s a point with no return, when you’re heart has nothing left to say. And I am spending all my evenings gazing at the sea, wishing to the night to hide my sorrow and smile at me. Searching for a star to whisper my wish, though I know luck won’t help me.

Every nightfall comes and goes. And my heart grows emptier with every sunset. I wish I could stop time at that moment I was trembling or even fast forward these moments that all they do is simply causing pain. I could give all I had for you once upon a time. But now our fairytale is transforming to a black ghost flying at this tender night. And Goya is smiling towards us from his grave, and my heart feels like it’s been ripped out and devoured from an evil face.

And how I long to disappear. Pack my things and leave this place. Leave my memories beside my letters. Every goodbye comes with pain and every letter I had written was full with crave. But now the sun has long set for us. And my tears are flying away. Some bitter smiles and a childish voice reminds us of who were. And the world seems so different now that we’re not the same.